A Tarot Reading for When You Want to Run and Hide

But first, an update on where I've been

This is a personal reading from my journal. It filled me with so much peace that I wanted to share it with all of you. If you find that you hide from life more than you live it, I hope this reading helps you come back home.

I've gone off schedule with this one. You're used to receiving two astro-tarot posts from me each month. And now all of a sudden, here comes an impromptu non-astro reading after weeks of silence.

First off, I'm very sorry for just dropping off the face of the earth.

I've been working at an addiction recovery center as part of my academic requirements for my degree in counselling psychology. It's pretty much taken over my life, so everything else had to take a back seat. Luckily, I'll be winding down in two weeks, so you'll hear from me again soon.

I can't promise to be back in time for the Sagittarius new moon. But, god, do I miss tarot. While I love working in addiction recovery, I'm not sure it's where I want to settle permanently because, honestly, I've never really wanted to be a traditional therapist. The intersection of spirituality and psychology has always been my thing. So I miss writing these posts and I can't wait to get back full-time!

Until then, please accept this post as an apology for my prolonged silence...

Introduction

My teacher, Lindsay Mack views Justice as the ability to be in the present moment. The ability to accept what is, rather than getting caught up in what we believe it should be.  

When we're stuck in an unfair situation, accepting what is doesn't mean we approve of how things are. It doesn't mean we're saying it's okay. It doesn't mean we shrug our shoulders and say, "Well, I guess that's just the way it is."

Instead, acceptance of what is acts as the first step in creating change. Because think about it: how can you change a situation if you don't first acknowledge where you're starting from?

Unfortunately, a lot of us find it difficult to be in the present moment. We find it hard to acknowledge the pain, confusion, or fear that lives inside of us. So, we escape.

We procrastinate.

We daydream and fantasize, building inner worlds where we can hide to avoid facing the harsh light of reality.

And if that's something you're doing right now, I hope this reading helps you feel safe enough to return home to the present moment, even just temporarily. 🌙

The Cards:

What We Want: The Emperor

Acceptance is a crucial first step to taking charge over our lives. As long as we refuse to admit the truth to ourselves, then we're in denial – like when people hit rock bottom and still can't see that they have a problem.  

Looked at in this way, acceptance is not at all about giving up. It's actually the opposite. It allows us to see things clearly, instead of being lost in our projections and fantasies. And this clarity is what empowers us to move in a different direction.

There can be no forward movement without first making peace with the present moment.

And yet even with this knowledge, for some of us, our flight mode is automatically activated when our wounds are triggered. For some of us, our first instinct is still to hide in bed and avoid life.

But struggling with acceptance is not a moral failing or lack of self-discipline. If your normal way of dealing with stress/anxiety is procrastination, or daydreaming, or other forms of avoidance, then beating yourself up about it isn't going to do anything ... except probably make you feel worse.

Ultimately, procrastination isn't the problem. It's the symptom.

The real problem, going back to the Emperor archetype, is that you feel powerless. You're disconnected from your inner strength, and so you run away at the sign of danger. Because despite our big human brains, at the end of the day, we're wired just like prey. And so, if we don't believe we're strong enough to face an oncoming threat, our brains instinctively encourage us to run and hide.

Procrastination is a response to feeling helpless, not a sign of laziness. So the real work to be done – whether with a professional or on your own – is to build up your confidence and develop a strong sense of self.

But what do you do when procrastination/avoidance has already taken you off the path, and you're struggling to get back? For that, we turn to the next card...

How We Get It: Page of Wands

The Page of Wands is all about curiosity and openness; both vital ingredients to help you step back into your power.

When it feels like life has boxed you in and you don't know where to turn, curiosity will always be a beacon to light the path ahead of you. Curiosity means letting go of our assumptions and our judgements. It allows us to see what is and develop new perspectives. It gives us the space to drop the narrative we've been carrying and look around with fresh eyes.

As for openness, well, your power can't come through when you feel threatened by the world and have your guard up – when you're stuck in "prey" mode. Your inner Emperor shows up when your body feels safe, which you do by making space inside of yourself.

Think of how it feels when you take a deep breath, or when you've finished a yoga session, or when you meditate. It opens up space within you. Your chest loosens. Your shoulders relax. You breathe better. You come back home to a spaciousness that was always there, but that you'd forgotten exists.

Whenever you feel lost, find that openness. Sometimes when I'm out in public, it's enough to just take a few deep, mindful breaths. However you do it, whatever works for you, find that space within yourself that's big enough to house your fears. And when you find it, hold onto it like it's your savior – because it is.

Final Words: 10 of Swords

Like the 10 of Swords in the Luna Sol Tarot, we can plant flowers in our wounds. Good things can grow out of our scars.

And yet, that can't happen if we refuse to acknowledge our present situation; if we put on a Band-Aid and then pretend the cut isn't there.

Instead, remove the Band-Aid and examine where it hurts with love and compassion. Only when we clean and tend to the wound can the body begin to mend itself.

Avoidance may be great for self-soothing, but it ultimately doesn't help with healing. 🌻

Did you find this reading helpful? If yes, please read on.

As a companion to my academic internship, I've been thinking of doing my own 'tarot internship' – offering free readings to help me get my feet wet. It's something I really want to do, but haven't fully made up my mind yet. If you'd like a free in-depth reading, keep an eye out for my emails over the next few weeks. I'll announce it there if I decide to go ahead with the idea.

Until the next time, I wish you peace. I hope you awaken your inner Emperor and step into the full radiance of your power.

Terri.