How can people appreciate your gifts if you keep them hidden away?

Collective readings

If I’m scared you’re going to find out I’m not good enough, that means I’m afraid of you finding out what I secretly believe: that I’m less than. That I’m not worthy enough. That I’m broken.

Table of contents

I'll start this post off with a disclaimer asking you to forgive my shitty photography skills. (it was a rough day, okay? thanks for understanding) Cheers, let's move on... Here are the cards we're working with in today's reading.

Humility, the 6 of Cups, and Sharing

Card 1: the situation

Sharing (Lantern Oracle Deck)

When the Sharing card popped out for me a couple weeks ago, I didn’t really know how to respond. It seems like a topic much more suited for a children’s Sunday School classroom rather than deep healing work.

But today, I want to flip the script. I want to talk about the other side of sharing that often gets overlooked – receiving. So get comfortable, take a deep breath, and let’s talk about the stuff that no one likes to talk about.

Card 2: the problem

6 of Cups

It sounds ridiculous to say that there’s discomfort around receiving the things you want. But I'm saying it anyway.

You probably believe that if you were given everything you want right now, your life would be perfect. And maybe for some people, it would. But for the rest of us messed up folk, getting what you were chasing can often come with a whole lot of complex feelings.

Don't believe me? Let's take a little test below:

How many of the things on this list can you identify with?

  • When you get good things, you push them away because it just feels like too much.
  • You convince yourself that if people look close enough, they’ll see that you’re a fraud, you’re not good enough, you’re not lovable, worthy, or qualified.
  • You hide your light and keep yourself small, and then feel bad because it feels like no one sees you.
  • You convince yourself that no one could ever be interested in what you have to offer.
  • People tell you good things about you, but you struggle to see them in yourself.

I’ve been all 5 things on that list. If you don’t identify with any, congratulations! You’re less fucked up than I am.

Anyway, I think a lot of these issues have to do with inner child work. Because for a lot of us, something happened to us when we were younger that made us feel unsafe.

It made you believe that help and support could not be gotten from anyone else.

It made you believe that you were the only person that you could depend on; that you were the only one who could keep you safe.

It made you believe that you had to do everything yourself.

And I talked on Instagram yesterday about how inner child work means going back to those places inside of us that are still living that old story—the parts of us that don’t realize that we’re safe now, that we have people we can trust now, that we can ask for help and receive it now—going back to those places and starting to do the work of healing them.

Because if we’re not able to release these wounds we’ve been carrying, we remain stuck. We remain afraid to let people see us.

Afraid to let people in.

Afraid to let people love us.

Afraid to love.

Afraid to be ourselves.

But how can others see you if you never let yourself be seen? How can people appreciate your gifts if you keep them hidden away?

Card 3: healing

Humility (Reclaim Oracle Deck)

So, the big question. How can we let go of some of these outdated stories that we’re still telling ourselves?

Well, first of all, healing is not just a process of letting go and then everything becomes okay. Healing is constant commitment to tending to those parts of ourselves that are still hurt.

Even though now you live in a big person's body, parts of you are still that little child who believed that they would never be safe. And that’s not something you can just erase.

Healing asks you to show up today, tomorrow, and every other day.

It's like working out. You don’t get fit and then expect it to last you the rest of your life. You go to the gym and keep showing up.

When I pulled the Humility card in response to the question about how we can heal, it didn’t make sense. If somebody is hiding in the corner, afraid to be seen, the last thing they need to hear is that they need to be more humble.

But I love how the creator of these cards, Marion Costentin defines Humility:

Humility is recognizing that you’re no more and no less than anyone or anything else.

According to that version of humility, then we can see how a lot of these fears come from comparing ourselves to others.

If I’m scared you’re going to find out I’m not good enough, that means I’m afraid of you finding out what I secretly believe: that I’m less than. That I’m not worthy enough. That I’m broken.

If I believe that we’re all Divine beings, and that none of us are better or less than the other, then I no longer feel the need to prove myself. I no longer need to convince you (or more importantly, convince myself) that I deserve to belong.

This is something I’ve been practicing in my own life. Every time I feel scared to put my tarot work out there, every time I think that people will think I’m weird or crazy, I remind myself that we’re all a part of the whole. None of us is worth more than the other.

Seriously, think about it. The world would be so plain if we were all musicians. If we were all artists, none of us would even appreciate art because it would be so common. And if we were all lawyers, well that would just be fucking boring. We need some people to be teachers, and accountants, and comedians, and actors. It’s not a competition. There’s space for everyone to do what they want to do. That’s what makes life interesting.

So yeah, I think that’s one step we can take to start to feel safe. Look around everyone – the people you’re madly jealous of AND the people who you secretly think you’re better than. And remind yourself that everyone has a part to play, and no part is more important than the other.