After watching myself really closely these past 8 months, I’ve found one important thread in all the good days:
when I let my soul lead the way, I become the person I want to be.
I’ve been practicing getting my small self out of the way so that my big Self can thrive. And after almost a year of doing this, man, it WORKS. On my best days, I don’t even feel like I’m doing any work. I just show up and my soul steers me ahead. The ideas, the vision, the words flow effortlessly into my mind. I feel like a vessel for thoughts and ideas to move through me, which is perfect because it means I don’t have to struggle to be a genius!
But some days I forget. I think that I have to do everything on my own. I don’t believe that I can show up as myself, open and vulnerable, and have things unfold on their own.
So what do I do on those days? I avoid showing up. The pressure of trying to make things great on my own is too much, and I break.
I procrastinate on the writing.
I don’t do any spiritual work.
I hide and pretend I don’t have any responsibilities.
I break the promises I made to myself.
None of the to-do list apps I have on my phone (3 as of this moment) are any help when I’m hiding. No schedule or self-imposed deadline can coax me out of my shell. I end up losing hours, and sometimes even days just because I forgot one important thing: I have a wiser, stronger part of myself that I can call on for guidance. I don’t need to have it all figured out in my head.
Now, let's be real. I don’t believe that just writing it out solves my procrastination. There’s a big difference between knowing something vs. being able to live it through your actions.
But I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and I don’t plan on stopping now. And hopefully, in the next 8 months I’ll be writing about some new milestone I’ve achieved!