I’m lazy and I have poor work ethic

healing

An honest look in the mirror


Talent without work ethic is wasted.

— Gary Vee (and probably lots of other people)

My relationship to mastery is complex. I know that I can be great at what I do and so naturally, I aim for greatness. But I set the bar so freaking high that I get exhausted even before I’ve begun.

Giving up is often easier than trying to reach the lofty goals I’ve set. So I quit. And then I call myself lazy and beat myself up and convince myself that I’m too broken to do anything incredible with my life.

After a while, I find a new project to work on, convince myself “this time will be different”, rinse, and repeat.

It’s an exhausting cycle and it has eroded my self-esteem for years. I’m still in recovery.


Why I quit

Quitting is easier than trying because trying is scary. That’s the simple truth that I’ve been admitting to myself for the past year and a half.

What if I try something new and it works out? What if my project succeeds? Then I’ll find myself in a totally new world, and who knows whether I’ll be able to survive there? Inner me would rather stay on familiar ground where I know how to play the game. It’s much easier to pick yourself up when you’ve fallen from the lowest rung of the ladder. But if you shoot for the stars, land on the moon, and then eventually fall down? That sounds like it would hurt A LOT.

So I do nothing. I call myself lazy and decide that my poor work ethic means I’ll never be successful.

It’s just a part of me. Nothing I can do about it now.” *shrugs*


Well, guess what, guys? I’m trying.

I’m trying so freaking hard. I’m speaking it into existence. I’m claiming it in a voice loud enough to drown out the part of me that’s still saying we can’t do it.

I have the talent. I’ve always had the talent. Now it’s time for me to develop the discipline to match. Because this cycle of self-torment SUCKS. And I don’t want to do it anymore. There’s a certain beauty in taking a long look in the mirror and realizing all the ways you’re letting yourself down. Because once you know you’re the one standing in your way, you can just…start to move.